Had a lesson today. Dru was good. Just pushed him forward a ton and he put his head down. I don't really think it solved the problem. Just frustrated we haven't gotten very far.
Good things about him....
He's a sweet horse
He wants to please
You can experiment a lot and he doesn't react a lot... like spurs I could learn how to use them on him and I don't have to worry when doing new things because he really doesn't care
I feel comfortable with him
He has a lot to teach me

Very frustrated at first. Lunged with side reigns to get his darn head DOWN! It never stays down, most annoying thing ever. After that got on and got very mad at him because he wouldn't keep his head down. He wouldn't bend either. I did circles, and leg yielding, and then more circles. Still nothing. I got so mad that whenever he would put his head up (he is not throwing it up he is just not having any connection through the reigns) I would make him go back to whatever we were doing until he put his head down, and then proceed. It worked, but I'm still frustrated. He was a good boy though, I felt like he was trying, and I wasn't asking the right way. I'm also kind of bored. I haven't done anything new for awhile, and in my last lesson we worked on pleasure stuff and equitation because I was supposed to go to a show. I didn't end up going and now have nothing new to work on.

Trust and Barn "Homes"

Lately I've realized something about trust. I've never really thought I could do much, and I've always been pretty timid. The first week I was leasing Dru I fell off him, and although I wasn't hurt, I refused to get back on him for a little bit. My first lesson back on him we stayed at the "friendly" end of the arena. Until about half way through R said we were going to trot down to the scary end. I thought she was crazy, and thought to myself, we haven't even walked down there yet, and you want me to TROT! I was not very thrilled about that. She insisted and I reluctantly grit my teeth, and we somehow got through it. R continues to challenge me and ask me things I never intend on doing, but somehow do them, and in the end it always seems to work out all right. With each new thing I begin to trust that she can see something I can not. Now looking back at my fear of trotting I think it was ridiculous, but not having someone push me to do that I would probably still be petrified of it.

I used to always want to go to Breezy. I only knew a few people at Robyn's and the people I did know didn't really ride when I did. I wasn't too crazy about Dru, and I wasn't very comfortable with him. I would go to Breezy with friends and always seemed to have a great time. The last two times I went out there I found I didn't like it, and was actually a little irritated. I think now I'm just realizing that Breezy was my barn "home".  I knew the routine, knew what to do, and knew the people. Now I would much rather go to R's. I know more people, and we mostly share the same views on riding, which makes it much easier to ride around. I have a routine, and am much more confident with Dru, he's grown on me a bit :)

Rode Dru finally. Had a great lesson Fri, I think riding other people's horses made me have higher expectations for him, and made me more solid on him. When I showed him I was in charge, he barley threw his butt around. He listened much better, and respected me. We did leg yielding, and other things that I can't remember. It was way better than it had been the last time I rode him. Very happy!
Yesterday I rode again. At first I just got on him, figuring K had ridden him that weekend so he would be okay. Nope, he was so hyper, I got off and lunged him and let him get all of his bucks out. When I got back on it took him a little bit, but I got him to the point of where we were before he was lame. Then of course, he had to go back to his i'm going to back up and hop up and down and not move. So I hopped off and chased him around a bit. When I got back on he threw a few bucks, they were kind of funny because he wasn't getting anywhere but didn't want to give up. Finally at the end his head went down and he was relaxed, his tail was swishing, his back was rounded and he was moving fluidly. Canter work was really nice, I didn't want to stop. We did walk to canters and a stretchy canter and trot. Really, really nice. We did a test at the end and it was great because it was training one on steroids. R had a stubborn little pony who liked to stop randomly, look around and try to come find Dru. We practiced our halts in the middle of the test, and did some walk to canters so we could actually finish the test, along with some leg yielding to dodge the naughty pony. Overall, it was a good ride :)

Rode Xavier again today, he is so much easier to ride! I can almost have xav first level by the second time I've ridden him, not even close with Dru. He is a very picky hard horse. Xav is so fun and easy and I feel like I'm actually doing something right.

On a different note... I will show someday and probably not do so well with Dru, but someday I hope I will show and be able to win and actually be good. Just can't let jealousy get in the way...

Dru being lame is a bummer... can't go to the show tomorrow. But I did ride my friend's horse Rosie today. Very cool, like her a lot. She's responsive, and learns everything so easily. It comes so naturally to her. So much fun to ride. I like getting to ride different horses. Something to learn from each of them.

So much running through my mind right now. I've been missing Chessie a lot lately. I'm not really sure why either. I have what I wanted. To be at Robyns. I don't understand why I feel this way. The thing I most miss about chess is our relationship. Not riding, but at night I could just go in her stall and she would put her head on me and I could cry in her shoulder, or tell her all the amazing things happening. Now I have a horse I like riding way more than her, but don't have the relational aspect. Ya get what ya get I guess.
I've lost every horse I've ever cared about... Nigel, Joey, Marissa, thumper, and Chess. I'm so sick of it. I contemplate giving up. I'm angry and want this fight to be over. But then I think about it and know I can't do that. I really shouldn't be complaining I have the barn I want and a horse to teach me things. I just wonder if I should keep fighting, or realize it just isn't meant to be? I don't have what it takes to be who I want to be. I'm not meticulous, precise, or good enough to be a dressage rider. Is it just ridiculous of me to make something Im not?
My whole life I watched others accomplish their dreams. Every single person I used to ride with now owns their own horse. Will I ever live mine? I just don't know.

Sad my boii is still lame, I lunged him  but he wasn't getting better, so I just put him back outside. I was going to lunge him in front of R, and she was running a little late and I was a little early, and couldn't do anything, so I just hung out with him. He always hates his face touched, and anytime he tries to get close to you it's usually to see how you taste. He likes to lick, and play. I was just gently petting his neck and got him really relaxed, and he put his head down and leaned it on me. We stood there for a good half an hour, just relaxing there. It was very cute, and he made me feel better. He's so hard to get affection from, any little step will make me happy!
K also thinks the problem isn't in his foot, but his back or his shoulder.
So R told me I could pretty much ride whoever, so I decided to give Xavier a whirl. People had told me I should try him, but I wasn't convinced until I didn't have another horse to ride. It was a great, fun ride. He is so much easier to get rounded and his head down. His walk is a little funky, but once he's warmed up he is really great! His gaits are SO smooth, and his canter is the best thing ever! He just glides around. I also feel like I do better with my hands on him, and it is much easier to keep them steady. I don't have to try so hard, he is much more responsive. We did a little counter canter, leg yield trot and canter, canter wasn't always on purpose, but it sure was fun! A nice break from Dru, hoping to ride him some until Dru gets better. I think I might want to start having some lessons on him just to learn more and take a break from Dru. Glad to have two good horses to ride now!!

Not a very productive lesson on Friday. I felt like I couldn't do anything correctly, and Dru had already been ridden pretty hard, so he wasn't overly thrilled to be working hard again. R was telling me to do all these things, and I would try, and then just loose focus. Eventually I just got so frustrated and said I didn't think I could do anything with my hands, and holding two whips wasn't helping. She had me do an exercise where you put the two whips together and you have to keep them touching. It was fine, I guess. I didn't feel like it accomplished a lot. The rest of the lesson was the same way. At the end I asked for spurs, so we tried those. He responded by pinning his ears back and backing up. After 15 minutes of that he started going pretty well. It was good because it didn't take a lot of energy from either of us, and then it felt like we had accomplished something by the end when he cantered. I haven't been able to ride him for a few days, and he's a little lame now, so I shall see what happens when he is better!

Rode Dru in a group lesson today. It went pretty well. He was really hyper at first, but as it went on he settled down. We started by doing trot extensions and canter catch-ups. Then we did some extensions in the canter, leg yielding, and a little counter canter. It was a lot of fun, and we didn't have to nit-pick everything as much, we could just do it. It was also nice because I had either Lindy (a Standardbred) or Prince (a Thoroughbred) in front of me. They are both reasonably forward horses so I didn't have to push so much to get him to go. I also rode in muck boots, and I liked them a lot better. It was a lot easier to get my leg down and off of him... weird, you'd think the boots I spent tons of money on would help me more.

Had another great day at Breezy! I like it there when there isn't anyone there. Em, Wil, and I took some babies down to the main barn to take videos. Bringing a not even halter broke baby, who hasn't been anywhere in three years, and who is hot in general, is wayyy out of my comfort zone. And by baby, I mean 3 year olds. Big babies. I'm finding that the anticipation of what horses are going to do is worse than when they actually do anything. I was leading this horse through the pasture and she spooked and tried to run me over, I automatically stopped her and made her back up, natural in-stink just kind of takes over. I'm never scared when they're doing it, I just think about what they're going to do and have all these scary pictures run through my mind. In the end, even though it was nerve raking having to lead the babies and bring them to a new barn (we were leading them from their barn to the main barn, where they have never been) made me feel more confident in myself, and very, very sure I do not want a baby.
I did get to see my favorite baby though! Charese! I love her so much. I think Wil takes more of a rough approach to training, and he was getting frustrated with her for not listening to him. All I wanted to do was join up with her. I could tell she was just really scared and needed someone to trust, and the more yelling and commotion going on just made it worse. It just made me really sad, I don't understand why I feel so drawn to this horse.
I rode Emma's horse today. She was riding and I was giving her pointers, just simple things, like how to tell a horse to stop with your seat, how to ask for the canter (inside leg forwards, outside leg back) and how to correctly ride it, how to push her forward with just your seat, and not to squeeze her with every stride. I really miss teaching. I mean I wasn't the worlds greatest, but I just tough beginners or people learning to do things at the trot or just starting to canter on the lounge. Some people think you shouldn't teach until you're really good, but I disagree. I'm not going to be teaching people anywhere near the same level as me, and the basics are the basics, no matter what. Obviously there will be some differences, but I don't think it's a huge deal. Especially with kids.
So I didn't really want to ride Rosie, but when I got on her I was amazed at how good she was. She doesn't get ridden a lot, like once every two weeks, so she had a lot of energy, but she was really responsive. Her head goes down so easily, she has a go button, and she picks up on things so fast. She's making me reconsider my type of horse. I really liked her. We just did w/t/c and leg yielding, turn on the forehand, and stuff like that, but it was just so much easier on her than Dru. I loved it! So tomorrow is back to Dru :p stubborn old Dru. At least he's trained higher than she is.